i have a weird tendency in defining a few words by what i understand and how i see ‘em. well, not weird just, different maybe. i design my principals that people who surrounds me claim extremist. neither i agree about this one. well, humans.
those people i told you about, i can see they treat their ‘friends’ like the word friend is a simple state of knowing their name, and their face and capable of remembering it. well i, with all due respect, refuse to think so. i’d rather lock myself up and point six, just the six characters i could trust with my dilemmas and my problems, my mistakes. i try my best to choose the trustworthy ones, yet still i, as well had made mistakes too. a part of myself i call being selective.
i upgraded the friend word to the state in which these people call ‘best friends’, or perhaps one or two steps further. you have no idea how much terrible a friend you become to the ones that trust you with their deepest ideas. you’ve told me the conflicts among you and nearly persuade me to take your side against them. what does that make you then? one fellow absent and you took the stage and the liberty telling their problems for a topic which you explained to me is human nature to come up with. what an awful human you are.
here, pay attention. i try to play fair to take my chances and their consequences and you may not know, or you forgot or perhaps you just ignored when i said it. i’m not looking for forgiveness to my mistakes. i simply offer the damn story and that’s it. for you to listen to me talking and see my eyes speak.
now let me be clear, i now have one friend that fulfills the friend version the, trustworthy thing i told you about. no, it’s the one best friend. one that is willing to need to understand what i’m worth. the one person who wants to help me and doesn’t mind to walk with me, holding me when i start to fall. you may not know how it feels to have just one human being who have seen you cry and seen your rage and yet still trusts you another chance to heal. it feels extraordinary. just please then let my existence be, because i don’t matter in everyone’s life, and to many, many more, i never did.